First...We Sacrifice The Children

In the aftermath of the murders of Lawrence King in California & Simmie Williams in Florida I am driven to ask the following questions. I have more - and I have some ideas...

1) How can we work together to change the emphasis regarding K-12 bullying, violence and humiliation from being sexual orientation-centric to where it really belongs, gender non-conformity and gender expression?

If we can succeed in shifting the focus of the conversation, then we expand our outreach to include ALL children, youth and adults who don't conform to arbitrary stereotypes of masculinity or femininity. It makes the issue universal...which it always has been.

Gay & straight males and females of all ages are bullied, discriminated against, humiliated and attacked every day for being perceived as too feminine or, somewhat less frequently & abusively, too masculine.

All women (straight, gay, trans, genderqueer) who do not meet prevailing gender stereotypes (thin, pretty, young, average or below average height, good hair, no facial hair, ideal feminine facial structure, etc.) suffer from varying degrees of discrimination, ridicule and abuse based upon where they fall on the gender expression spectrum.

The same holds true for all men who don't meet certain "standards" of what it means to be a MAN; tall, strong, moderately deep voiced, knowledgeable about sports, womanizing, athletic, assertive, commanding, etc.

2) How can we work together to further educate our own community about how trans and gender non-conforming identity is very different from LGB identity, even though we face mutual challenges in dealing with a hetero-normative culture.

I speak to many LGB support groups and organizations and while there is, for the most part, unanimous support for trans and gender non-conforming identified people there is also the same degree of lack of understanding the origins and substance surrounding trans identity.

In much the same way that many cisgender/straight people assume that being gay or lesbian is something a person 'decides' best fits who they are, many supportive and compassionate LGB folks assume that a transgender person decides at some point to change gender. That somewhat understandable disconnect goes a long way in explaining why some LGBT and evangelical Christians express such surprise and concern when it comes to trans identity in children and youth. After all, they ask...isn't it "too early for them to make a decision like that?"

My gender identity was no more a "choice" at the age of 4 or 5 than was my "choice" to begin breathing oxygen at birth rather than simply dying because I was no longer swimming in amniotic fluid.

3) How do we work together to inform schools, media, families, communities and transgender adults that the needs of children and youth who are gender non-conforming are, in many ways, VERY different from those that get the most attention with regards to adults, particularly as these youth approach and enter puberty?

Being true to yourself in expressing your gender non-conforming identity as an adult is among the most intimidating things any person will ever have to undertake. But in the end, the power to do so lies in the hands of the individual themselves. Gender non-conforming children need someone's permission and cooperation to not only express their true gender identity, but they need the professional help of others to prevent the horror of unwanted, wrong-gender pubertal development.

4) How can we work together to educate people about the factors in our culture and in their personal lives that led Larry King & Brandon McInerney to that tragic encounter on the morning of February 12, 2008? How do we do this without creating a martyr out of Larry or demonizing Brandon into mere caricatures of who they were in life in order to serve a political or social agenda?

Do we really move forward if Larry King becomes simply the tragically murdered "gay" eighth grader and martyr to "The Cause"? Do Brandon McInerney and other frightened, misinformed, ill-advised and repressed people learn anything useful if he simply becomes the bigoted monster who murdered the sweet-faced gay kid?

Let me be perfectly clear on how I feel about Brandon McInerney and what happened. Guns don't kill people. People with guns who are, or feel powerless, fearful, insecure, angry and self-righteous kill people.

Our misogynistic culture killed Larry King. Brandon McInerney just happened to be pointing the gun when the trigger was pulled.