I received the following comment to a post I did regarding a transitioning female child in Colorado. I was going to simply reply to the comment, but decided instead to share it with as many people as possible.
vulcan | dougstownhouse@yahoo.com | IP: 66.213.245.146 wrote:
"I would agree that confused is the wrong word to describe the trans gender population. Possibly prior to choosing to be transgendered they were confused about what they are. But now I’m of the opinion that transgendered people are delusional. That is they have clearly lost touch with reality and are believing to be true what is not. A child with male genitals is not a girl. If he thinks he is, he is delusional."
"Children need guidance and clarity about life and the world we live in. If their parents won’t or are unable to provide that for them they will grow up with no clear set of boundaries. If when this child grows into puberty decides, because he has lost touch with reality, that he would like to have sex with the family dog, who will be there for him to give him clarity?"
"You need to learn how to accept reality and stop trying to change it."
Doug (or “Vulcan”, if you prefer)
A couple of points:
1. You didn’t choose your gender by looking down, seeing something resembling a penis and say, “Oh! I must be a boy.” That may (or may not) have, at various times in your life, confirmed your male gender identity, but hopefully it wasn’t the only deciding factor. If it WAS, and if you suggest that it should be the overriding factor in male gender identity, then I hope you are never in an auto accident, or combat, or a victim of penile or testicular cancer, which may cause you to lose your penis or testicles. If such a trauma ever happens…how will you possibly know which gender you are?
2. Is it delusional to believe in something you KNOW to be true, but that you can’t prove to the satisfaction of others? Is it delusional to believe that one man built a sailing vessel large enough to hold two of every living animal on the face of the Earth? Is it delusional to believe that a dead man rose from the grave to live in Heaven with his father in order to save the world from sin?
To the best of my knowledge, I believe that many consider accepting those things as facts, an act of “FAITH”…not delusions.
It doesn’t matter whether or not I share that faith. The fact that others cannot, to MY satisfaction, prove any of those things occurred doesn’t change my committment to respect their belief that those things did occur, that they are real and that it is something they cannot ignore without risking spiritual, physical, emotional and eternal destruction.
Why is it that some people (you) won’t give the same respect to a child and her parents who are doing their best to support their daughter and help to save her from the physical, emotional and yes, spiritual destruction that can happen to gender non-conforming children and youth when they are forced by others to be something they are not?
I’d like to propose a respectful agreement; I will make every effort to not denigrate, lecture or pass judgment on other people’s faith-based beliefs that can’t be proven to my satisfaction until I learn as much as I possibly can about the foundation of those beliefs. In return, you agree to learn as much factual and diverse information as you can about the development of gender identity in children & youth before passing judgment and accusing children of being delusional simply because they know something at the very core of their being that YOU can’t see or identify with.
If we have a deal, then perhaps we’ll both learn something and become better human beings. If not…well…where does THAT get us?
3. Children do need guidance…but which path do we guide them down?
Some parents “guide” their children into white supremacy. Some “guide” their children into standing on street corners across from the funerals of soldiers who have died in Iraq holding signs that read “Fag Soldiers” and “Thank God For IED'S”.
Some parents “guide” their children into strapping bombs on their bodies in the name of religion, and blowing up other children in malls, markets and places of worship.
Some parents “guide” their male-identified children into being bullies who abuse, humiliate and sometimes murder feminine-acting boys at school. Some “guide” their female-identified children into being submissive victims.
Some parents even manage to “guide” their children into embracing their religious faith in a way that does not condemn, judge or oppress others.
Some parents value how their child feels about themselves, especially when those feelings are persistent and consistent rather than transitory. Some parents value their child’s happiness and future enough to not only respect the child’s identity, but to learn that this is not a whimsical ‘choice’ or “delusion”.
Some parents believe in helping their child to be the independent minded, unique individual they are rather than allowing someone else to dictate an ‘approved’ cookie cutter for their child.
Which “boundaries” related to the world we live in are you referring to? The “boundary” that still disapproves of interracial marriage/coupling? The “boundary” that exists in much of the world that says women may not show their faces in public and may be killed by their family if they bring “dishonor” in some way? The “boundary” that allows a government to abolish Habeas Corpus and spy with impunity on its own citizens? The “boundary” that encourages some Christians to handle snakes as evidence of their faith?
Boundaries. Walls. Fences. Commandments. Fatwa’s. Dictums. Why do some use these things far too often to separate human beings from each other?
You don’t know anything about this child or her family, other than the child identifies as female, wants the freedom to express herself in a way that fits her gender identity and her parents and school are supportive of that. And yet, you’ve decided that she’s delusional and that her parents are either incompetent or permissive liberals.
For all you know, this young girl might attend Sunday School every week and save and donate her pennies to the Muscular Dystrophy Foundation. For all you know, one or both of her parents could be a minister, rabbi, Sunday School teacher, child psychologist, Iraq veteran or tireless volunteer with Habitat For Humanity.
Your disgusting, rude and inappropriate 'red herring' comment about "sex with the family dog" reveals more about who you are than all of your other comments.
What on Earth does a child’s sense of their gender identity have to do with bestiality? Are questions like that the kind of critical, analytical thinking “guidance” that you impart to your children?
Asking a question like that is as pointless as my speculating that your beliefs/”delusions” may lead you one day to stone your neighbor to death because she was committing adultery with another neighbor. Actually it’s FAR less appropriate or relevant than that, because Mosaic Law instructed followers to do exactly that in cases of adultery. I guess that is one of the “traditions/boundaries” that you may choose to ignore.
I will offer this in response to your bizarre, delusional and perverted hypothetical question:
A) I have worked for many years with trans people of all ages and most recently, exclusively with gender non-conforming children and youth. There has never been a single instance in which one of them has shown any interest in having sexual relations with an animal…not even a goldfish.
On the other hand, YOU thought up the question. I want to be as sensitive as I can on this, but umm….perhaps these kinds of fantasies relate to something that you’ve considered in the past? If so, and if this is a call for help, I suggest you contact a therapist in your area that works with people who are attracted sexually to animals.
B) I’m certain that if, for some unfortunate reason, ANY child developed an interest in sex with a family pet (unrelated as it is to their gender identity) that the parents would provide clarity and explain to the child why that wasn’t appropriate, healthy, emotionally rewarding or recommended. I know that would certainly be what I would tell MY child. You, on the other hand, may be more confused or conflicted about the matter, judging by your out-of-context question.
Finally…YOUR “reality” may revolve around your genitalia. Your vision of yourself as a male human being may be based solely on your penis. If so, then I believe you are short-sighted and intellectually and emotionally under-endowed.
“Reality” used to mean that a black man who looked at a white woman could be hung with no repercussions. “Reality” used to mean that children could be forced to work in sweat shops 12-hours a day. “Reality” used to mean that women could not vote. “Reality” once meant that a Catholic couldn’t be President, or a black man couldn’t be a legitimate candidate for President or that people would never fly, walk on the moon or cure polio.
Reality evolves through education, curiosity and vision. Give all three a try sometime. You might find a way to optimize the amazing (perhaps even God-given) gift of gray matter you’re carrying around on your shoulders.
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